Appearance
Excerpt
Excerpt from Evergreens, by Jerome K. Jerome
And you boys, you silly boys! what materials for a wife do you think you
will get out of the empty-headed coquettes you are raving and tearing
your hair about. Oh! yes, she is very handsome, and she dresses with
exquisite taste (the result of devoting the whole of her heart, mind and
soul to the subject, and never allowing her thoughts to be distracted
from it by any other mundane or celestial object whatsoever); and she
is very agreeable and entertaining and fascinating; and she will go
on looking handsome, and dressing exquisitely, and being agreeable and
entertaining and fascinating just as much after you have married her as
before--more so, if anything.
But you will not get the benefit of it. Husbands will be charmed and
fascinated by her in plenty, but you will not be among them. You
will run the show, you will pay all the expenses, do all the work. Your
performing lady will be most affable and enchanting to the crowd. They
will stare at her, and admire her, and talk to her, and flirt with her.
And you will be able to feel that you are quite a benefactor to your
fellow-men and women--to your fellow-men especially--in providing such
delightful amusement for them, free. But you will not get any of the
fun yourself.
You will not get the handsome looks. You will get the jaded face, and
the dull, lusterless eyes, and the untidy hair with the dye showing on
it. You will not get the exquisite dresses. You will get dirty,
shabby frocks and slommicking dressing-gowns, such as your cook would
be ashamed to wear. You will not get the charm and fascination. You
will get the after-headaches, the complainings and grumblings, the
silence and sulkiness, the weariness and lassitude and ill-temper that
comes as such a relief after working hard all day at being pleasant!
Explanation
Jerome K. Jerome’s Evergreens (1919) is a collection of humorous and satirical essays reflecting on life, marriage, and human folly. Written in Jerome’s signature witty and conversational style, the work blends social commentary with sharp, often exaggerated observations. The excerpt provided critiques the romantic idealism of young men who pursue superficial, vain women—particularly "empty-headed coquettes"—only to suffer the consequences of such choices in marriage. Below is a detailed breakdown of the passage, focusing on its language, themes, literary devices, and implications.
Context and Overview
Jerome K. Jerome (1859–1927) was a British humorist best known for Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog). His writing often mocks human pretensions, societal norms, and the gap between expectation and reality. Evergreens continues this tradition, offering tongue-in-cheek advice on marriage, aging, and relationships. The excerpt targets young men ("you silly boys") who are infatuated with beautiful but shallow women, warning them of the disillusionment that awaits them in marriage.
The passage is structured as a direct, almost scolding address, using second-person narration ("you boys," "you will not get") to create an intimate, accusatory tone. Jerome adopts the voice of a world-weary observer, blending humor with biting cynicism to expose the folly of romantic idealism.
Themes
The Illusion vs. Reality of Marriage The excerpt contrasts the public performance of a charming, beautiful wife with the private reality of marital drudgery. The woman’s allure is directed outward—at "the crowd"—while the husband bears the burden of her upkeep without reaping the rewards. Jerome suggests that marriage to a coquette is a one-sided transaction: the husband funds the spectacle but is excluded from its enjoyment.
Superficiality and Vanity The "empty-headed coquette" is defined by her obsession with appearance ("devoting the whole of her heart, mind and soul" to dress). Jerome mocks her shallowness, implying that her "exquisite taste" is the result of single-minded vanity rather than depth of character. The husband, in contrast, is left with the "aftermath" of her performative charm: exhaustion, irritability, and neglect.
Gender Roles and Exploitation The passage reflects late 19th/early 20th-century gender dynamics, where women’s social value was tied to beauty and charm, while men were expected to be providers. Jerome flips this on its head, portraying the husband as the exploited party—a man who labors to sustain his wife’s public persona while receiving none of its benefits. The irony is that the system he critiques is one that historically favored men, yet here, the man is the dupe.
Aging and Disillusionment The excerpt highlights the transience of beauty and the permanence of labor. The wife’s "handsome looks" and "exquisite dresses" are fleeting, reserved for others, while the husband is left with her "jaded face," "untidy hair," and "shabby frocks." Jerome underscores how marriage reveals the unromantic truth behind infatuation: the husband’s role is functional (paying, working), not romantic.
Literary Devices
Irony and Sarcasm
- Jerome’s tone is mockingly sympathetic ("Oh! yes, she is very handsome...") before pivoting to brutal honesty. The praise for the wife’s charm is undercut by the revelation that the husband will never benefit from it.
- The line "you will be able to feel that you are quite a benefactor to your fellow-men" is dripping with sarcasm—the husband’s "generosity" is actually his own exploitation.
Repetition and Parallel Structure
- The anaphora of "You will not get" (repeated five times) hammers home the husband’s deprivation, creating a rhythmic, almost incantatory effect. This repetition mimics the relentless disappointment of marriage to a coquette.
- The contrast between "You will get" (negative traits) and "You will not get" (positive traits) reinforces the bait-and-switch nature of the relationship.
Hyperbole and Exaggeration
- The wife’s devotion to fashion is hyperbolic: she spends "the whole of her heart, mind and soul" on dress, leaving no room for substance. This exaggeration highlights the absurdity of valuing appearance over character.
- The husband’s suffering is also exaggerated ("the after-headaches, the complainings and grumblings") to comic effect, though the underlying critique is serious.
Imagery and Sensory Language
- Visual imagery dominates: the wife’s "handsome looks" vs. her later "jaded face" and "dye showing" hair; the "exquisite dresses" vs. "dirty, shabby frocks." These contrasts make the husband’s plight visceral.
- Tactile imagery ("slommicking dressing-gowns"—likely a misspelling of "slummocking," meaning slovenly) evokes disgust, emphasizing the wife’s private neglect.
Metaphor and Performance
- Marriage is framed as a theatrical performance: the wife is a "performing lady" who charms the "crowd" (society), while the husband is the backstage laborer. This metaphor critiques the performative nature of gender roles and the hollowness of social approval.
Significance and Interpretation
A Cautionary Tale Jerome’s excerpt serves as a warning to young men about the dangers of prioritizing beauty and charm over substance in a partner. The passage suggests that infatuation blinds men to the long-term costs of such relationships, where the wife’s allure is a public commodity rather than a private joy.
Social Critique of Marriage The passage reflects Victorian and Edwardian anxieties about marriage as an economic and social institution. Jerome exposes the transactional nature of relationships, where men are expected to provide materially while women provide aesthetic and social capital. The husband’s resentment stems from being both the patron and the excluded audience of his wife’s charm.
Humor as a Vehicle for Truth Jerome’s humor softens the bitterness of his message. The exaggerated descriptions and sarcastic tone make the critique palatable, even entertaining, while still delivering a sharp indictment of shallow relationships. The humor also invites readers to laugh at their own folly, making the lesson more memorable.
Timelessness of the Message While the language and gender roles are dated, the core idea—that infatuation often blinds people to reality—remains relevant. Modern readers might see parallels in social media culture, where relationships are performative, and public personas often mask private dissatisfaction.
Line-by-Line Analysis of Key Sections
"what materials for a wife do you think you will get out of the empty-headed coquettes you are raving and tearing your hair about."
- Tone: Mocking, accusatory. The phrase "raving and tearing your hair about" portrays young men as melodramatic fools.
- Imagery: "Empty-headed coquettes" suggests hollowness—beauty without substance.
"she is very handsome, and she dresses with exquisite taste (the result of devoting the whole of her heart, mind and soul to the subject...)"
- Irony: The parenthetical reveals that her "taste" is not innate but the result of obsessive vanity.
- Hyperbole: "Heart, mind and soul" devoted to dress is absurd, emphasizing her one-dimensionality.
"You will run the show, you will pay all the expenses, do all the work."
- Metaphor: Marriage as a "show" positions the husband as the unseen stage manager, while the wife is the star.
- Repetition: The triplet ("run the show, pay the expenses, do the work") underscores the husband’s burdensome role.
"Your performing lady will be most affable and enchanting to the crowd... But you will not get any of the fun yourself."
- Contrast: The wife’s public charm vs. the husband’s private exclusion.
- Pathos: The husband is reduced to a spectator in his own marriage, funding entertainment he cannot enjoy.
"the after-headaches, the complainings and grumblings, the silence and sulkiness..."
- Alliteration and Asyndeton: The lack of conjunctions ("complainings and grumblings, silence and sulkiness") creates a relentless, exhausting list, mirroring the husband’s suffering.
- Imagery: These are the ugly realities hidden behind the wife’s public mask.
Conclusion: Why This Passage Resonates
Jerome’s excerpt is a masterclass in satirical persuasion. By combining humor, exaggeration, and stark contrasts, he exposes the hollow promises of romantic idealism. The passage remains powerful because it taps into universal fears: the terror of being taken for granted, the disillusionment of marriage, and the cost of vanity. While the gender roles may feel outdated, the core warning—that infatuation is not love, and charm is not companionship—is timeless.
Ultimately, Jerome’s message is both cynical and compassionate: he mocks the "silly boys" for their naivety but also sympathizes with their inevitable suffering. The excerpt serves as a darkly comic reminder that in the theater of marriage, not everyone gets a front-row seat.